We’ve all heard the phrase “what they don’t know won’t hurt them” but when it comes to money and relationships… yeah, it kind of does. Sneaky spending, secret credit cards, or quietly stashing cash like it’s a real-life episode of Money Heist — it might seem harmless at first, but financial infidelity can do serious damage.

What type of damage are we talking about?

Financial infidelity can totally rock a relationship. It’s not just the dollars and cents — it’s the trust that takes a hit. Suddenly you're asking, “If they lied about that, what else don’t I know?”

For some couples, it can lead to serious consequences — like drained savings, damaged credit, or even separation. 

But in other cases, that moment of truth becomes a wake-up call. 

It can spark the kind of money conversation that’s been overdue for years and (with honesty and effort) actually help partners get on the same financial page.

The bottom line? Financial infidelity is rarely just about money. It’s about trust, communication, and building a relationship where you can be honest — even about the hard stuff. 

How can you avoid the financial infidelity trap?

While no one’s asking you to turn your relationship into a finance committee (unless spreadsheets are your love language), if you want to keep money secrets and the damage they cause out of your relationship, it comes down to teamwork, communication, and a little strategy.

Here’s how to keep things healthy and honest:

💬 Have regular money chats: Schedule a monthly “money date” (bonus points if wine or snacks are involved). It’s your chance to check in on goals, spending, and anything that’s changed. Keep it low-pressure and judgment-free.

🎯 Create shared financial goals: Whether it’s saving for a house, a Bali getaway, or finally paying off the credit card, having goals you’re both excited about keeps you motivated, and on the same page.

💸 Give each other guilt-free spending money: If you share finances, it’s important to also have personal autonomy. Set aside a little “fun money” for each person to spend however they like. No questions asked, no passive-aggressive comments. (Yes, even if it’s on overpriced computer games or scented candles.)

But what if the damage is already done?

Finding out your partner has been financially dishonest hits hard. It shakes the foundation of your relationship - the trust. And that can be even tougher to repair than the money itself.

Sadly, good people can make really bad choices. That doesn’t excuse the dishonesty, but if both partners genuinely want to repair the relationship, there can be a path forward.

Elisabeth Shaw, CEO of Relationships Australia NSW, says it starts with understanding what happened. Not just a rushed apology — but a real conversation. “A deep explanation of how this happened and what does it mean for us?” is the first step, she says.

If that convo feels too heated or emotional, a couples counsellor or psychologist can help guide it in a constructive way.

From there, it’s about rebuilding together. That means transparency around money, setting new boundaries, and creating a plan that works for both of you. It might take time, but rebuilding financial trust is possible, one honest conversation at a time.